If you don't have to, don't look

On a daily and sometimes hourly basis, I take a sick amount of pleasure in looking at my phone.  Part of it is I am trying to build my own little kingdom.  I want to be a pro level comic/entertainer one day, I am running a company, and I want to exert my sense of humor, my positive energy, and all my love as far as it will go into the universe.  All that is fine.

But most of the content I take in is dumb, irrelevant bummer shit that in no way helps me.  In fact, it probably waters down my purpose.  

I just had one of the most successful weekends in my life.  I did two things that I saw as kind of beyond me.  I won a legit hard Jiu Jitsu tournament in the old man division and I got a glorified extra part on a TV pilot (anyone who works in the film industry knows that this probably isn't hard and definitely isn't a big deal, but for me, admitting that I want to do things like that and going for it was a big deal).  

After being on set for a TV show, then going to a tournament, then going to fucking Harry Potter world, my heart was just full.  I drove back home, laid on my couch, and immediately starting scrolling through my phone and feeling worse by the second.  

I caught myself and went out with friends instead, but I now how a new motto.

If you don't have to, don't look.  

Heres what I don't mean:  I don't mean I will run from my problems, or the worlds problems.  There are many things that deserve not only our attention but our money and action.  We all have to collaborate to solve the pain points of life for ourselves and others.  

But that is absolutely not what I am doing most of the time.  I'm watching people I don't even know well bitch about their transmission, or McDonalds fight videos, or judging people I don't respect.  

Also, I suspect that the majority of what goes on on Facebook helps almost no one.  True help, love, or activism takes more than just likes and hearts.  

Another thing I don't mean, is becoming that one guy at the dinner party that gets a boner when he sees everyone pull out phones because now is his chance to roll his eyes at millennials or whatever.  That guy is unaware that he is 80% the reason that I want to look at my phone.  Its the 2018 version of playing dead. 

My current premise is that if you are obsessive about looking at your phone like me, its probably because you should be creating things.  You are scrolling to avoid the pain of creating.  Its ok to decompress, its ok to be mindless, but my goal is to make those periods smaller and get back to sharing whatever I have to give in this world before the end.  

When I die, I want my face to crash into a microphone, a loved one's arms,  a Jiu Jitsu mat, or maybe some titties, but definitely not my dumb fuck phone.