Theres a hole in everything

There’s a hole in everything.  There is an emotional inflation in the prices of everything we want.  $10 dollars sounded good until you have it, and then you realize that what you really wanted was about $11.15.  You’re not unhappy, you’re proud you got there.  But there is a lack of closure in goals and chasing big things.  There is no big thing that kills the hole.  It is in everything.  Because it is in every person. 

Growing up in church they say that every man has a God shaped hole.  That’s a beautiful theory.  Like everything working out for a reason.  And maybe they do.  But even those reasons have holes in them. 

In the old testament, other tribes often worshiped a fertility deity named Baal.  I heard once that one translation of that name is “god of the hole”. 

Obviously, it sounds like a sex thing.  But strangely, it sounds like a philosophy too.  We start our life coming out of one hole and we finish the race in another. 

Going in and out of holes is destiny.  It shouldn't surprise us.  And yet the lack in the middle of the life is the part I fear the most.  Growing up at times poor as a child, my worst fear was to not be full.  To not get enough.  As a man, I have the same fear maybe, but more sophisticated, more productive, better managed, but the same. 

Trying to get enough. 

I don’t think the answer is to stop wanting.  I don’t think the answer is to only be thankful.  I don’t think the answer is to just be mindful.  But for fucks sake the answer is also not one step ahead.  We all chase the next step because we are sequential beings. 

I don’t think the hole goes away.  I think it stays as a reminder that everything ends just like everything begins  Its only sad if you make it.  Holes are places of destruction, but they are also passages. 

There is a hole in everything and everyone and until you can see them you have nothing to say.